wow..lamanya tak menaip..i don't know if i lost my touch or is it still there..dan wahh aku dah nak masuk 26 pun..layak ke "budak perempuan ni" lagi? but that's not the point..i won't know if this going to be long or short..i just need some place to pour my heart out.
macam mana hidup? hidup tanpa blog? life after you..salah satu tajuk buku aku tengok kat Popular siang tadi.. i felt a pang of..hmm more like a wind softly brush my face when i read the title of the novel..not sure if it is the air-cond or....
hidup
ada turun naik...rasa boleh teka kot..hidup aku sekarang kat roda bawah..hahaha sebab tu masuk blog..kalau kat atas tu nak menaip pun payah..i don't usually share things with living creature with logic mind..i mean not directly..through media like this blog, sure..
people come, people go..
and i've got problem with it..ever since arwah laut left..ye, sejak tu..bila orang yang pernah rapat pergi aku tak tau macam mana nak hadap..nak lalui..kehilangan la kan? people come, people go..and i absolutely have no idea how to handle it..menangis je la pandai
as you might guess, i just lost my friends..two at once...dua sekali dalam satu masa tau..kalau tak rapat, tak ada la rasa macam ni..mungkin aku ni pelik kot..orang lain hilang kawan rileks je macam tak ada apa berlaku, aku ni je yang sedih lebih lebih..aku ni je yang letak orang lain sebagai orang penting dalam hidup
dan selepas dua orang tu, mungkin ada lagi seorang ni..i never ask all those people that left to stay..but this one, this particular person, this very last person i promised to myself to be the last one i close to..i asked him to stay..i begged him to stay
if he left, that would make three...but of course, i cannot stop people if they want to go..itu hak mereka kalau nak pergi..yang sedih tu kalau pergi, pergi macam tu je..please, at least tell me, have a courtesy..i'm a human being, i have heart, i have feelings, i'm not a dull wall, not stone, not a dead tree stump..as if i'm not worth of any explanation
macam friendship tu tak pernah ada..macam apa yang dikongsi selama ni tak bermakna langsung..bukan ke kalau tak bermakna langsung lebih baik jangan rapat sejak mula..kawan aje la macam biasa, tak payah rapat..aku ingat aku sorang je yang rasa macam ni tapi bila buka cerita dekat sorang lagi kawan sekerja rapat, dia pun alami benda yang sama..i told her i'm really tired of this whole friendship thing..and in the end, we concluded that it is just a phase of life..this one stage that not everybody got to go through..
i really can't afford any more loses of close friends..tinggal sikit je yang rapat.. *nangis* besties, you girls are not allowed to go..if you guys leave, if really have to leave, do tell.. i will understand
i don't know he's going to leave or not..i just sense that he will, from the beginning of our friendship i have already have..scared at first but i said to myself, "why not? he might be different, he might not be like her or her, or him or her (few faces of old friends who left flashed)" it is the risk that i'm willing to take for a friendship..
he said he won't leave, he said he won't change..but that's what he said..i don't know what he says now..i want him to know, it's okay..i want him to stay more than i have ever wanted anything in my life..but that's what i want and i could see why it might not be what he wants..i won't stop him, but certainly it will hurt me so bad..it's already bad now sensing he's leaving.
*nangis*
